HEAR ME OUT!!!!

Do you ever have days when you feel like you're never heard? I feel like I experience this every single day at my house. "Chase, will you let the dogs out?" And after asking 3 more times and being told "why do I have to do everything!" the task is finally completed. Now Gunnar is actually worse. He asks for payment before he does a task. "I'll let the dogs out if you give me candy?" When I tell him "no" this is what I hear- "Fine, then I'm not going to buy you a car when you get older," or "then I'm not going to give you kisses anymore!" Lately it's been "fine, then I'm not going to give you a birthday present!" I tell him that it works both ways...then he changes his tune, because he wants toys for his birthday.

Sorry there haven't been any posts in a while, this week has been a real crippler! The days seem to be super long, and the nights are too short. For some reason the babies have been getting up A LOT more than usual. I can't tell if they are teething, or have allergies, or if my milk just isn't sustaining them at night anymore. What I do know is that the little amount of sleep my husband and I receive is crappy, and I just feel like the day drags on and on. Tonight, however, the big boys are going to sleep over at my mom and sister's houses and we're hopeful that we'll get a better night's rest tonight. Well, I've got a baby screaming at me for milk, I'll post (hopefully) again tomorrow!

The Letter

So as I'm driving everyone home from picking Chase up from school I decided to get the mail. I received 3 items- Gunnar's Toys 'R Us birthday card, our mortgage payment, and a letter with "OWNER" written in black Sharpie on the envelope. My heart and stomach simultaneously sunk. I've been fearful all week, dreading the day that the man who's dog I had run over on Tuesday night was going to seek revenge. I thought "this is him telling me he's going to sue, a bill from the vet, or just a letter to tell me what a horrible person I am for running over his dog." I could get out of the car as I pulled into the garage, I had to read it immediately. Below is word for word the letter I received:

Ms:

Tuesday night you were involved in an accident with our dog and unfortunately it was fatal. I do not know if this is appropriate but wanted to tell you that I was 100% at fault; saw it coming but just froze. I should have never had the dog "off leash", even late at night. It was a foolish and immature decision on my part that I have to live with. For the past few day, we have just been in a fog and I don't have the courage to face you without distress thinking of the incident....Once again, you were not at fault in any way; I am truly sorry that you were ever made part of this situation. Please take this little note for what it is- an apology to you. I learned a big lesson for myself that my actions can hurt other as well. Please forgive me from the bottom of my heart.

JM

OK, there it is. It's like this man either read my blog or read my mind. I've been sick over this all week, fearing the worst, and I get a letter from this man apologizing to ME for running over his pet. I was moved to tears, and still shake when I read it. I always think the worst of people, so for me to get this note...it just really restored faith in humanity. In an age where people are so quick to sue or become completely unhinged because they thought they were not in the "wrong," I was surprised to find there are still decent people in the world who take accountability for their actions.

So Sir, if you did somehow read this blog, and by chance are reading it again, I am sorry for what occurred. It was tragic, and I doubt either of us will quit thinking about it anytime soon. You asked me for forgiveness; I prayed that Tuesday night that you would forgive me, and that your family would be blessed should you be grieving the loss of your beloved pet. Once again, I am deeply sorry for your loss.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....

I went to my first Mother's of Multiples meeting last night, and it was pretty fun! As a large group we met to discuss women's libido issues. The doctor who gave this presentation was really funny, and had a lot of interesting information. He had a little questionnaire to determine whether or not someone had hypo active sexual dysfunction disorder- "hypo" being a lack of as opposed to "hyper" being a lot of something. Anyway, I thought to myself "nope, this doesn't affect me," then I suddenly started answering "yes" to most of the questions. Long story short, apparently I have it, but with good reasons. I'm so tired and just want to sleep at the end of the day, and Todd feels the same way. The Doctor said that most oral contraceptives can be really bad for your libido and he actually suggested women try other methods of birth control. He basically said "get off of birth control" to find out what's wrong with your body, and this one woman was like "Really? Because I'm a little shell-shocked from having twins, I'll use birth control for the rest of my life!" Then we split up into smaller groups where I met 2 other first timers who had twin boys as well. It was so great to talk to other women who knew exactly where I was coming from and it was neat to hear their stories about their experiences with twins. I'm looking forward to next month's meeting!

So then I came home, and if you read my FaceBook post, I hit a dog. Strike that, I ran over it with my Suburban. The worst part was hearing the dog yelping in pain. I just stood there as this man picked up his dog and I said "did I hit your dog? Is there someone I can call for you?" He just told me "no," picked up the dog and ran. I ran into the house and told Todd (who was dealing with our crying twins). I was still in shock that I never even got a chance to tell the man how sorry I was. What I should have said is what a jackass he was for breaking a city law and not walking that dog on a leash! I mean, I'm a pet parent, and I would NEVER EVER let my dog walk without a leash. I called a member from our Homeowners Association and she told me she'd seen this guy walking the dog without a leash, that in fact, he was training him to walk without a leash. Really? Why did she not tell this guy she would report him if he did it again? The worst part was how she said "well, I would have let them pass, you should have let him pass by." Well, woulda-shoulda-coulda, lady! She was defending this guy and it kinda made me mad! Even a member of the HOA was OK with this guy breaking the law, and going against everything the HOA harps about in every single handout they send around. It's people like that who really make me mad, because they think that they're the exception to the rules, and that they're above them somehow. And I'm just sure that this man will confront me at some point. GRRRR! It makes me so angry! Angry because this all could have been prevented had this little dog been on a leash, and I wouldn't feel so bad because I could have possibly killed this man's dog. I mean, I was up most of the night with feelings of guilt. I just felt sick to my stomach, and I think the babies and Todd must have felt my emotions radiating off of me too, because the babies kept waking up and Todd said he kept jerking awake as well.

Oh well, today is almost done, and then tomorrow will come and I will hopefully begin moving on mentally. Now I'll be super paranoid anytime I'm out in my neighborhood driving or even walking in the streets. This just adds fuel to my fire for wanting to fix up the house, sell, and get out of "old people-ville." Anyone know where I can move to that I won't have to deal with issues like this?

Frumpville or Glamourton?

Today the "man clan" and I loaded up and went to the park for a playgroup. It actually started 45 minutes before we made it there, but when you have to nurse twins you find you are rarely on time for anything. I always wanted to be apart of a playgroup, but when I worked they never had them on my day off. The big boys enjoyed playing with their friends, and running around, and it was good to see my girlfriends. My husband teases me for becoming a bit of a hermit since I've had kids, so it's always nice to get out with some of the other mothers from church that I enjoy seeing and talking with.

So my friend, Marche, and I are standing around talking while our kids are playing and I noticed a woman pushing around a huge stroller with two little twins inside. I asked her how old her twins were and the "twin talk" naturally started flowing. We discussed birth weights, feeding schedules, and such. Her fraternal twin girls were only 7 weeks old, and she said she had 2 other daughters and a son. Her oldest looked to be maybe 5 or 6, and here is where the envy started to sink in. 5 kids and this woman DID NOT look like she gave birth...EVER! She was thin, cute, wore makeup, and admitted that she and her husband still have a date night every week. Does that really happen when you have 5 kids? You look amazing, and have an amazing life? As I drove home, I felt a little sheepish. I mean, I'm not a "girly" girl. Never have been, doubtful that I ever will be, but looking at her made me feel...so blah about myself. I mean, I practically live in Frump-ville, where mothers like me do not wear makeup everyday, might be lucky to get a daily shower, and we wear comfortable cotton attire and running shoes. She must have been from that neighboring city, Glamourton, where the mothers wear cute, "dry clean only" outfits and high heels to do chores, or run errands.

I digressed a bit from my train of thought...anyway, my point was it's OK to be who you are. I am a mother who lives in t-shirts (unattractive nursing t-shirts at that!) and shorts. Soon when it's cold, I'll live in long sleeved t-shirts and jeans. So what if that mom of 5 is amazing? Good for her if she can find the time for herself; I'm still working on finding time for me. I do have an ultimate goal of losing weight and dressing nicer when the occasion allows. I believe there are seasons to life, and this is my season to be a stay at home mom with boys who could care less about what I'm wearing around the house. They just want me to watch them cross the monkey bars, or feed them when the need arises, and I'm happy to oblige.